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Silence is golden

November 8, 2009, 1:06 pm

I stumbled onto a negotiating tactic at age 18, while renting an apartment.

I was looking for a sublet during a summer internship at Caltech.  A student offered to let me take over his lease on an apartment a few miles away, and we were discussing it.  At the time, I was slow to make any decision I saw as important, and this was one of them.  So when he made the offer, I couldn’t make up my mind. The ensuing conversation went something like this:

Me [thinking about it]: Hmmmm. [A pause.]

Him: If you take it, I’ll help you move in.

Me [frowning thoughtfully]: Hmmmmmm. [Another pause.]

Him: OK, I’ll knock $100 off the rent.

Me [eyebrows raised to indicate that this was attractive]: Hmmmmmmmm. [Another pause.]

Him: … and I’ll let you borrow my bike for the summer.

At some point, I realized: I’m winning the negotiation just by stalling. I even held out a little longer just to see what else he would offer me.

He was nervous about the negotiation, anxious to close the deal.  His response was to sweeten the deal for me.  If he had known me better, he might have just waited to let me mull it over.

I don’t recommend this negotiating tactic in general.  (For a good strategic approach to negotiation, see the “principled negotiation” framework explained by Fisher and Ury in Getting to Yes.)  The lesson here is from the other side:  Know when to keep your mouth shut.  When you’re nervous, it’s tempting to fill the void by talking.  This is especially true right after saying something you were expecting a negative reaction to: “We’ve decided not to give you a job offer.” “I’m not giving you a raise this year.”

It’s better to just deliver the message, and then stop.  There might be silence for a few moments while the person thinks and reacts; let it be.  They’ll answer soon enough, and your tension will be diffused.

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  • Caroline
    The seller's position was already weakened when he attempted to sweeten the deal. Sweetening a deal generally portrays weakness to the buyer. Your silence helped you exploit the weakness of his selling strategy.
  • Along the lines of negotiating a salary or other price, I find it quite useful to be very open and direct on the range you are seeking or offering. There are times when the candidate or employer are completely off the mark in their assessment of the market and you can save quite a bit of time by getting there early. To go through a grueling full day of interviewing or the expense of traveling to an interview only to find that there is a huge gap between bid and ask can be quite frustrating.

    Also similarly to save time my Father-in-law starts out his phone conversations about a job by telling the employer his age. He says, I know you aren't legally permitted to ask or make decisions based on this information, but I don't want to waste any time with an interview for a job I have no chance of getting.
  • Betsy, I don't agree. That may be true in haggling, but not on the "principled negotiation" approach. On that approach, you need to know your BATNA--Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. In the case of negotiating an hourly rate, that would be: the rate you could get from other employers, i.e., the market rate. The employer should also know their BATNA: the rate at which they can hire similar contractors (again, the market rate). If you both have a reasonable sense of what the market rate is, then you agree on a rate in that range. (You can haggle if you want, although personally and professionally I don't like to do that.)
  • The way my Dad put it: Whenever negotiating, the first person who mentions a number loses.

    I've found that a very useful observation.

    Them-"What hourly rate would you like?"
    Me-"What do you think I'm worth to you?"

    Me-"What is the best price you can give me for this?"
  • jfew
    This tactic has other applications. In journalism school, reporters learn to do the same thing when an interviewee is answering a question, no matter how awkward the silence becomes. Inevitably, interesting details that wouldn't ordinarily surface will emerge as the novice interviewee struggles to fill that void in the conversation.
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